Cruise Lines

I love cruiseship naming ceremonies so this month is like manna from heaven for me, but I’ll have my eye on one new ship in particular.

Ventura, P&O Cruises’ new offering, promises to be nothing like the P&O we have come to know and love. Old and stuffy? Forget it. If all the hype is to be believed, this is young and funky; dare I say even glitzy in places (or so it would seem from the website) and all about having fun.

The traditionalist we-love-P&O brigade I cruised with on Aurora recently, who disliked foreign food and wanted everything to be like it was 20 years ago, would be horrified.

Personally I can’t wait to see if the ship lives up to the promise of lively evenings, good food (hopefully not just in Marco Pierre White's restaurant), contemporary tableware and designer kettles in the cabins - yes, really – and great activities for kids, including a circus school (never mind kids, I rather fancy that!) and giant Scalextric track.

And I am so looking forward to seeing Noddy fly by in his little yellow-and-red plane. What do you mean there is no such person as Father Christmas?

Am I glad I’m not clearing up after yesterday evening’s ceremony in which MSC Cruises took official delivery of new ship MSC Poesia from the ship yard in St Nazaire, France.

As the bottle of bubbly smashed, pink and white balloons were loosed from their netting and cannons shot pink and white paper circles into the air. Not just a few, but hundreds, coating the ground and all who sat there.

Environmentalists would no doubt moan about it, but hey. This was a great ceremony – it actually started and ended on time, which must be a first for MSC – with a marching band to keep our spirits up in the cold wind, the customary switching of flags and lots of speeches in French and Italian (I gathered that the shipyard is honoured to have MSC’s business, which is good because it has another three MSC ships on its order book, and MSC’s boss rather likes his new toy).

Let’s just hope this new-found punctuality lasts until Sunday morning.

Globetrotting Tahitian Princess is to be renamed Ocean Princess when it goes for routine maintenance in Singapore in November 2009, Princess Cruises has announced.

It is a bit odd to have a Tahitian Princess sailing around the Med, Alaska and Asia, I agree, but it's such a wonderfully exotic name - conjuring up images of white-sand beaches and gently lapping blue seas, and so perfect for this small ship (it holds just 670 passengers).

In comparison Ocean sounds so big and just a little forbidding. Not at all what passengers can expect.

With free-flowing booze, Italian diva Sophia Loren to cut the ribbon and the likes of Andrea Bocelli and KT Tunstall to keep the troops entertained, it was always a dead cert that the naming of MSC Poesia in Dover would be a successful event.

But will it achieve the ultimate aim of increasing business from the UK for MSC Cruises? And at what cost?

An oft-repeated conversation between fellow scribes at these events revolves around the question, can the cruiseline ever get back what it has spent? How many passengers do agents need to book and over what time frame to make this - literally - worthwhile?

If anyone has some answers, I would love to know. Not only would I sound intelligent, but I could move the conversation on next time around.

Until I am enlightened, I will continue to wonder at the massive sales job UK agents now have on their hands if they are ever to repay MSC for a great evening. The few I spoke to were certainly excited and enthusiastic about the whole experience.

For MSC's sake, I hope that enthusiasm infected the many and can be translated into sales.

What a coup for Cunard.

The Queen is journeying down to Southampton on June 2 to bid farewell to the QE2, the ship she named at Clydebank on September 20 1967.

Since then the vessel, which has to be the best known ship in the world, has sailed into the record books by travelling more than 5.6 million nautical miles. It has carried 2.5 million guests, completed 25 world cruises and crossed the Atlantic 802 times.

QE2 leaves Cunard and the UK forever in November, when it sets sail from Southampton for Dubai to take up its new duty as a luxury floating hotel.

If I had a stall selling handkerchiefs, I know where I would be that day...

At last, only four months after I was due to get a first glimpse of Balmoral, Fred Olsen Cruise Lines' new ship, I am on board.

Formerly Norwegian Crown, the vessel was acquired from Norwegian Cruise Line last year and has been stretched - literally it was cut in half and a new bit inserted - so it takes around 400 more passengers.

It was due to set out on its maiden voyage under Fred Olsen colours in January but the work overran and the first cruise was delayed until February.

Is it Fred still? Actually yes. Despite being bigger, it does have that oh so British Fred feel that ageing Olsen groupies know and love. Not quite so intimate though, and there are more lost souls aged over 60 wandering around, still not sure where everything is.

More interesting still... yes, you can see the join.

Aren't people ungrateful? The guys at Fred Olsen went to all the trouble to put an art gallery on the newly-stretched Balmoral - actually it's a corridor that has pictures on each wall, but no matter. It's a lovely space and there are some really eyecatching paintings as opposed to the ghastly stuff the cruiselines dress up as art and try to flog at auction at hugely-inflated prices.

 In my column in the Telegraph this week I wrote:

Since emerging from the shipyard as Balmoral, the vessel also has a smart new top-deck swimming pool where there was none before, and an art gallery with some striking paintings. As it doubles up as the corridor to the main restaurant, I suspect many passengers won't notice the pictures as they race for their food.

But the reality was even worse. Just after writing that, a couple was walking towards me. He turned to her and said: "This is a complete waste of space, isn't it?"

According to a new survey, we Brits are totally ignorant of the continent just across the water. You know, the one they call Europe. Seems we are also a sad bunch of philistines.

Passengers on Azamara Cruises, the better-than-Celebrity brand from the Royal Caribbean stable, had a real treat as their ship popped into London this week on the way from Barcelona to Copenhagen - namely what passes for a port in one of Europe's leading capital cities.

Port? Actually, it's a pontoon just down river from Tower Bridge that has been covered with portacabins that you weave through in order to get to the ship - and that's after enduring a tortuous tender transfer from the other side of the bridge.

No matter. There was a fabulous view of Tower Bridge from the aft end of the ship and it must have been fun squeezing through the Thames Barrier - for passengers at least. Captain Carl admitted he pulled his stomach in as he manoevered through with just 15 metres to spare on either side.

Thames boatmen notwithstanding, I finally managed to get on board with some of the top people from Royal Caribbean for what was a first glimpse of an Azamara ship for all.

Except it was a bit like deja-vu for anyone who has been on Princess Cruises' Royal Princess (Swan Hellenic's Minerva II as was) or any of the Oceania Cruises' ships.

Obviously Azamara Journey been tweaked here and there - actually there have been $19 million of tweaks to add 32 bigger suites, a cafe, bar and change the carpets. Sadly the money didn't stretch to real teak on the pool deck so there's a plastic faux alternative but the wooden sun loungers with comfy mattresses helps to make up for that.

They have also put in new alternative restaurants, which come with no charge (that's one of the better-than-Celebrity bits) and look lovely. But so does the eat-when-you-like main dining room. Again, so much more advanced than its X-rated big sister with its fixed dining.

And at the moment, as the brand is not yet well known, it doesn't cost any more, and sometimes even less. That's got to be well worth a second look.

Have one too many on the new Carnival Splendor and you'll start to see pink spots in front of your eyes. No wait. That's what you see if you are stone-cold sober.

Carnival's new baby is a real vision in pink - another creation from Joe Farcus, the man behind all the over-the-top designs on Carnival ships, and lately the Costa ones too.

I must admit I am a bit of a Farcus fan, if only because I am intrigued how he comes up with his ideas and because the attention to detail is quite incredible.

Pink spots notwithstanding, Splendor is a very muted Farcus. I'd say he was considering the sensibilities of the British market, but suspect we are really not that important to Carnival, even if the number of Brits booking has doubled in the past year, as president and CEO Gerry Cahill said during his naming speech.

In fact, apart from the spots, which I really rather like, and the garish lions above the thermal pool in the otherwise very lovely, and very large, Cloud 9 spa, I really haven't seen anything very worthy of note.

Surely that can't be right?

My heart went out to the Royal Navy's Christian Rumming, the man chosen to shin 60 feet up the side of Carnival Splendor during Thursday's naming ceremony in Dover. In a pair of flippers.

And all because the lady loved, well, English sparkling wine.

In honour of the fact the ship was being named in the UK, Carnival shunned smashing the usual bottle of good-luck bubbly and chose instead a home-grown sparkling wine, cruise director John Heald explained during the ceremony.

Nothing to do with the the fact the thinner glass made it easier for Christian to smash when he finally got to the top of his rope, of course, although the event organisers didn't want a repeat of the naming of P&O Cruises' Ventura, when two Royal Marines went over the side of the ship (yes, it does sound very similar doesn't it?) to smash the bubbly and reports came back that one bottle didn't break.

The lady in question, by the way, was Splendor's godmother Myleene Klass, singer, classical pianist, model and I'm a Celebrity star (oh dear, and she was starting to sound really talented), who managed to do the naming honours while holding down her skimpy red dress, which was flapping nicely in the wind.

"That only worked for Marilyn," she quipped as she shouldered her responsibilities well and promised to send Splendor a birthday card every year.

As my regular blog readers will have seen, I was at Tilbury last week to see Marco Polo, now sailing under charter to Transocean Tours and sub-charter to Cruise and Maritime Services through the summer. Click on the video, created courtesy of Travel Weekly, to see and hear more.

The International Herald Tribune reports that Royal Caribbean International president and chief executive Adam Goldstein was in Singapore to announce plans to base a ship in Singapore starting autumn 2009.

The line dipped a toe into Asian waters this year, so I guess this decision is proof that the experiment was successful. Either that or they just can't think what to do with all the cruise ships they keep building.

Let's face it, the Caribbean might be popular, but when the giant Oasis of the Seas hits the region in December 2009, it's going to soak up an awful lot of passengers - 5,400 on each cruise if all goes according to plan - so Royal's other ships have to fill somewhere else.

And why not Asia? Star Cruises is there year-round, Costa Cruises bases a ship there for part of the year and Princess Cruises has a big selection of exotic cruises there in winter, but generally it's somewhere the big lines only dip in and out of on their way around the world.

On Carnival Splendor last weekend, I heard Carnival Cruise Lines president and chief executive Gerry Cahill rule Asia out as an option, so seems Royal might have it all it's own way - for a while at least. Smart move.

I thought it had to be Balmoral, but no. This "giant" is Fred Olsen's new Braemar, fresh out of the shipyard where they cut it in half and added a 31-metre mid-section. It now takes more than 200 more passengers - 950 in all - has more cabins and an extra restaurant.

But it was still dwarfed by P&O Cruises' Ventura, on which I'm sailing, which was towering over all in Civitavecchia today.

Interesting comments this week on cruise.co.uk about the benefits or otherwise of dine-when-you-want options on cruise ships.

Is it working well? Tsang didn't think so after her experiences on P&O Cruises' Ventura and I have to agree, after a week on board, that the staff are struggling with the concept.

So many people are booking that half the dining room is blocked out for the evening, which means if you do get a table the room is often half empty. But passengers are still turning up at the door and being turned away. "I guess we should book as well, but it kind-of loses the point of being Freedom," one man on a neighbouring table told me a couple of nights ago.

One of the problems is that the ship is packed with families who want Freedom dining, but two out of the three dining rooms are set aside for fixed dining. It wasn't always like that. When the ship launched, two out of three were set aside for Freedom dining, but the older - I'm guessing - passengers on the maiden voyages wanted fixed, so it was switched around.

And no one thought to change again when the passenger profile changed.

One evening my partner and I eventually ended up sharing a table for 10 with, um, two other people. We did look very lonely, especially with empty tables around us. They said one couple they met had asked for Freedom dining and been told they couldn't have it; another couple requested fixed and, yes, you've guessed it. They were told they couldn't have it.

The dual system works for Princess Cruises so guess it's just early days for Ventura. Im sure they'll get it right - but sooner would be better if they want to stem the moans I've heard.

Thanks to Sean Halliday for getting in touch about his website featuring true stories about his life on a cruise ship. Have a look. It'll cheer up the day.

Science was never my strong subject at school so imagine my glee when I was able to answer the question "what is ice?" posed by Steffen Biersack, the geologist and lecturer onboard this Fram cruise in Greenland.

No trick. The answer is frozen water - and I did get it right! - but I have to admit some of the rest of his lecture on ice went straight over my head. Still fascinating though.

And it's what this Hurtigruten expedition cruising is all about. No shows with didn't-quite-make-it dancers and singers, no napkin-folding or wine-tasting classes; just a nice ship - Fram holds 318 passengers and was launched last year - with big windows so you can always see the view, which at the moment happens to be icebergs. In fact it has been icebergs of varying sizes for the past two days.

There are all sorts on board, young and old, mainly Danish and Norwegian but also a smattering of Brits, Americans and Australians, all here for the excitement of seeing somewhere really different rather than wanting a luxury cruise with crew racing around to cater for their every wish and whim.

No one dresses for dinner and you are expected to clear away your plates and cups if you have tea and cakes in the little self-service.

I can't see cruise traditionalists enjoying this, but I I've never seen so many happy, excited faces, and certainly not on a cruise. Just proves what they always say. There is a cruise for everyone. Get it right and you have one satisfied customer.

My cruise column on the Telegraph website this week touches on how expensive it is on board Fram. I compared it with Ventura, where you could get a 33cl bottle for £1.95, while here 40cl draft beer is more than £3.50. Not the end of the world but worth bearing in mind.

But the one thing that is really cheap is the internet - six hours for £20. And it works - as anyone reading my blogs will have realised.

I paid a hefty £40 for four hours on Ventura, which was all the more galling when ashore in Rome, Florence, et al, you could have an hour for one euro (about 80p). If you wanted longer the price came down!

Here in Greenland I haven't seen an internet café and if there was one I dread to think how much it would cost. Yesterday, ashore at our first big town (with tarmac roads, a supermarket and a pub), a bottle of beer was £6.

I hastened back to Fram!

So this is it. The day Royal Caribbean, travel agents and hopefully the British public have all been waiting for. Oasis of the Seas, the largest cruise ship ever built goes on sale at 1pm UK time.

This ship is longer than four football pitches, higher than Nelson's Column - 220,000 tons and with room for 5,400 passengers.

Royal is moving staff from other areas into reservations to cope with an expected 50% more bookings than on its previous busiest sales day. Senior managers have been drafted in to deal with booking inquiries and Jo Rzymowska, associate vice-president and general manager, has promised to make the tea.

Some £1 million has been set aside to make sure this behemoth sells. It's going to be a long day.

Either I've not been paying attention or this is new. Passengers who book one of the 99 suites in the VIP Yacht Club on MSC Cruises' new MSC Fantasia, launching December, have soft and alcoholic drinks included in the price.

Suddenly it becomes a lot more attractive!

Yacht Club people also have 24-hour butler service, a VIP swimming pool, hydro-massage pool, solarium, lounge and direct access to the spa.

The ship holds a massive 3,959 passengers and takes pride of place in MSC's new 2008/09 brochure. It will be sailing the Med - the maiden voyage is an eight-night Christmas cruise, then there's a New Year sailing and 12-night itineraries out of Genoa.

How much extra does it cost for the Yacht Club? Unfortunately my press release skips over the money bit and as I'm away and it's now 7am in the morning UK time, I can't find out.

If anyone can enlighten me, I'd love to know.