Cruise Lines

It's always interesting to listen in on other people's conversations, especially when they turn to cruising.

This morning I forgot to take my single traveller's companion - my book - to breakfast so I had nothing to do but listen in as the other two couples in the alcove I was in started talking about Queen Mary 2 and QE2.

The alcoves, by the way, are along each side of the self-service restaurant on Queen Mary 2. They are a pain when you are trying to find a table because you have to stick your head right inside to see if there is space and if there isn't you have to go to the next one. And all the while your food is going cold.

Of course there are other tables but I do like the alcoves because they have a seaview and are quiet and feel very private, away from the usual self-service clatter. Of course that privacy also means it is almost impossible not to overhear conversations, book or no book.

Neither couple had been on Queen Mary 2 but the American duo had cruised with Cunard on QE2. "Did you prefer QE2," British wife asked, making a wild assumption because a couple they had met last night said QE2 was a much nicer ship.

"Oh no," American husband replied. "It was so noisy, creaking and vibrating. This is so peaceful I even forgot I was on a ship last night."

I have to concur, at least in how quiet the ship is. Despite its size, it's also very friendly - people say hello when they pass on the stairs or in the alleyways, complete strangers start chatting at meal times (especially in those alcoves) and in the lift.

I met one woman today who was over the moon to discover the shop allows passengers to take garments to their cabins to try on. "They think I'm going to buy it," she said.

It struck me as a reasonable assumption, but I suspect they might be disappointed!

I'm lucky enough to be crossing the Atlantic in one of Queen Mary 2's Princess Grill suites. That's not quite the top spot - there are Queens Grill suites passengers above me, but it's still a nice position to be in.

It's not the biggest stateroom I've ever had - that honour has to go to the fabulous Owner's Suite I had on Silversea - but it is spacious and there is more storage space than I have in my bedroom at home, with a walk-in closet, two big wardrobes and plenty of shelves.

My selection of clothes looks very meagre (I'm keeping the closet door shut in the hope the room steward won't see!) but I'm only on board for a week; for the world cruise passengers could be on for four months.

On one wall there's a glass cabinet that is, surprise, surprise, full of glasses. I am intrigued to know what happens to them in rough weather but honestly am happy never to find out!

There is also a lovely big sofa, a rubber strip all around the sill of the stateroom door so it closes with a sort of sigh rather than slamming - a great touch - and joy of joys, no net curtain. Actually that's not quite true. There is one, but my room steward, Reneboy, has never closed it, for which I am very grateful.

I've never understood why you pay huge amounts of money for cabins with sea views, only for the view to be obscured by a piece of net. In fact, my first task on entering a cabin with a net curtain is to tuck it out of the way.

The best room stewards - for which read Bella in Swan Hellenic's Minerva - catch on and leave them open, but most just operate on auto-pilot and shut them as trained.

There was a bottle of fizz waiting in the cabin to welcome me on board and bottled water is provided free, which are both nice touches.

But there are also some disappointments with the cabin. I have a chunky TV, and no DVD, rather than the sleek new flat-screen model I would expect in a ship that sells itself as luxury.

"I suppose it's a problem if you want to spend your time watching DVDs," one of my table companions said disdainfully. Actually I don't - I've not even had time to put on the TV these past two days - but it's a question of expectations. And again, Cunard is pitching itself in the luxury market.

Also, while I have no end of wine glasses, there is no corkscrew. I had to call room service for one and it arrived with incredible speed on a silver tray. I asked the waitress whether she wanted to do the honours, but she apologised and said she didn't open bottles. Luckily, it is one of my skills.

Neither is there a stopper to keep an opened bottle of wine fresh, which seems especially strange to me given I use one at home with "Cunard" written on the top.

Some nice plump pillows on the bed would be nice too. I have four rather deflated ones that are so small they can all fit abreast across the double bed.

"They are a rather small, but at least as we are cruising alone we can stack them up to make a back rest for reading in bed," Edward, a fellow single traveller, told me. He is one of 500 so-called in-transit passengers, out of about 2,450 people on board, which is a rather strange term used to mean they are doing a return transatlantic crossing.

He's right, of course, but it's not quite the same as sinking into a stack of deep, soft pillows like you do on other less classy ships. I wait to hear news of a refurb! 

When they find out my job, everyone on Queen Mary 2 wants to know how the cruise industry is doing given the recession.

Not too badly at all, if news from Regent Seven Seas Cruises is anything to go by.

Regent is reporting a 41% increase in call volumes between January and May this year compared to the same period in 2008, and a 48% increase in bookings in the same five months, again versus 2008. May was the cruise line's highest-ever booking month.

That's not bad given the constant financial gloom and doom, but these record-breaking results have not come without a price for Regent.

Passengers are being hooked with the offer of unlimited free excursions, which really is a fantastic deal when you consider many cost £80 per person and more, free flights on selected departures and cruise prices based on a generous $1.95 = £1 exchange rate.

The key question is whether the high demand can be maintained when we get out of the recession, cruise lines try to get prices back to normal and the lucrative incentives disappear.

After all, it's easy to cut prices, but much harder to increase them.

It is always possible that new passengers tempted by the offers to try an ultra-luxury all-inclusive cruise line - and I'm guessing there are quite few of them - find they just don't want to go back to the pay-as-you-go drinks system, in which case Regent is laughing.

Alternatively, if those new passengers disappear along with the incentives, might there be a chance Regent will look at ways to keep the free excursions, making the line truly all-inclusive and giving it an edge on its rivals?

Then there is ultra-lux rival Crystal Cruises, which is offering $2,000 per couple on-board credit to get people booking. Might there be a chance they will switch to all-inclusive if they find passengers rather like getting free drinks after all (soft drinks are free on Crystal, but you pay for alcohol)?

There could be some interesting times ahead.

Yesterday I made a great discovery on Queen Mary 2 - the Canyon Ranch Spa. It's the only Canyon Ranch spa at sea and there was a real friendliness and genuine helpfulness on the front deck that seems to be missing in the ubiquious Elemis spas. Put it another way, I felt like a customer rather than a moving dollar sign.

Actually I wasn't going to have a treatment as it is very expensive, especially with the poor £ to $ exchange rate (all prices on QM2 are charged in dollars), but I couldn't resist the Thai massage.

As it was, it turned out to be a good choice, first because it came up as one of yesterday's daily offers so I saved $36, second because the masseur, Jintana, who trained in Bangkok, was very good, bending my legs into positions I would never have thought possible.

"Your neck is in knots," Jintana told me. After bearing the pain of her pressure, all the time telling myself it was doing me good, I had worked that out. I did feel good afterwards though.

On the issue of cost, one thing that did impress me was that all prices include a 10% gratuity (although like all bills on here there is space to leave another tip, maybe hoping people won't have read that it is included).

It's far more honest than one cruiseline I know that lists one price but slaps on a mandatory gratuity (and nothing so reasonable or easy to calculate as 10%). As you have no choice but to pay, surely that is the price that should be in the brochure?

As I had bought a treatment, I was entitled to one day's free access to the aqua therapy pool and thermal suite, where I cooked nicely in the steam room, herbal sauna and ordinary sauna. There's also a quiet relaxation room with views out to sea - or there would have been except we were sailing in low mist the whole day.

"We did see some dolphins earlier," a couple I knew from dinner with the hotel manager a few nights ago told me. They had been looking for a quiet place with a view so they had paid $40 each for a day pass to the thermal suite (there's also a three-day pass for $75 and a five-day one for $95).

"It was free when we cruised on Celebrity," they added, a bit miffed at having to pay so much just for somewhere to sit away from the grey skies and wind (the indoor pool was packed, apparently). I tried to mollify them by telling them that most lines charge for the thermal suite these days as it's a nice little earner.

And judging by the number of people in there yesterday, they were earning very nicely. Miserable weather must be manna from heaven for them.

No sooner had Regent Seven Seas Cruises announced a 48% increase in bookings so far this year, with May setting a new bookings-in-one-month record, than Silversea came out with news that on May 26 it took more calls in one day than ever in its 15-year history.

The record-breaking day occurred during a three-week period where bookings surged nearly 150% compared to May 2008. Average call volume last month was up almost 40% against April 2009.

Green shoots or just a sign that people will book if the price is right?

Whichever, it has to be good news for Silversea, which is launching the new 540-passenger Silver Spirit at the end of this year. It needs bookings, bookings and more bookings to fill that and its four existing vessels.

As with Regent, the bookings are being spurred by some very lucrative incentives - hefty discounts on selected cruises, free or discounted flights and $1,000 per stateroom on-board credit.

Interestingly, a few weeks ago Silversea sent me a chart they had put together comparing their prices with those of a mass-market cruise ship, a luxury ocean liner (I wonder who that could be?) and a luxury resort.

They took the basic cruise-only price of a 10/11-night holiday in the Caribbean, deducted any discounts then on offer and added a notional amount for drinks and gratuities, and also for food at the resort as the price was just for bed and breakfast.

Result? Silversea's six-star service was more expensive than the mass-market ship, which is not surprising, but almost £400 cheaper than the liner and incredibly almost £5,000 cheaper than the resort.

Remember, on Silversea there is nothing to pay for drinks and gratuities are included in the price, and with the on-board credit as well, you can also have free shore excursions. In fact, you might as well leave your wallet at home.

No wonder the cruiseline is having such a record-smashing time.

Saga Rose will be saying a very long goodbye as she prepares to leave the Saga fleet in October. Like QE2, the ship falls foul of new SOLAS regulations that come in on October 1 next year. Saga had the choice of spending shed-loads of money to make it compliant (assuming it was even possible) or getting rid of it.

Saga decided it had to go.

The first farewell is to Dover, from where the ship will sail today for the last time, cruising to Guernsey, the Isles of Scilly, Ireland and Scotland, and ending up in Liverpool, where it will spend the summer, sailing to Norway, Iceland and Greenland.

After saying more goodbyes in Liverpool, the ship will move to Southampton, from where it will be saying its final farewells.

The very last voyage, after 44 years in service, departs October 30 and will be visiting Spain, Italy, Croatia, Greece, Cyprus, Israel, Egypt, Malta, France, Morocco.

What happens then has not been decided. At one point it appeared Dubai would snap it up, as happened with QE2, and turn Rose in to a floating hotel as well, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside now the recession has hit and the emirate has discovered cash is in short supply and it has rather too many hotels anyway.

I guess the other options are to find a buyer in a part of the world where no one bothers too much about SOLAS (as Fred Olsen did with Black Prince) or selling it for scrap.

All Saga says at the moment it that it is discussing plans for a fitting retirement.

It's lunchtime on my first day on Queen Mary 2 and I've picked some rather scrummy-looking Asian dishes from the Lotus, one of four sections in the King's Court self-service.

I find a table, sit down, taste the food and realise it needs some seasoning. Great. I've chosen a table without any salt or pepper pots. So I look at the neighbouring tables. No condiments on any of them.

I remember seeing chilli sauce at the servery yesterday afternoon. That will do, so I go to get some and what do I find? The salt and pepper. Not in pots, though, but small paper sachets, like you might expect in a cheap seaside cafe.

Most unimpressive for a luxury liner.

Apparently they have had to do that because the rather affluent people who think they are a bit special because they are cruising with Cunard (ah yes, I did come across a few of those during my transatlantic crossing) steal the salt and pepper pots (and anything else, given the chance).

"Do they have the Cunard logo on them," I ask David Stephenson, the hotel manager, thinking this might make it understandable, if still a bit tawdry. But no. They are ordinary, cheap pots - cheap especially after they discovered they kept going walkies.

I was assured more would be delivered to the ship when it docked in Southampton the next day. I wonder if they were.

The last time I saw Celebrity Equinox it was little more than a lump of metal in the shipyard's eye. How it has grown!

I hope the wing mirrors are good as the Captain is having to back out of the shed. But that's nothing. Next week he will have to pilot it down the River Ems (for some strange reason the Papenburg shipyard in Germany was built quite a way from the sea) to Eemshaven, on the coast. The conveyance is planned for the end of next week.

After sea trials, final fitting out and various inspections are completed, Celebrity Equinox, a sister to Solstice, will come to Southampton for a week of special events for the press, travel agents and consumers.

Its first cruise is from Southampton to the Norwegian fjords, then its off to Civitavecchia, the port for Rome, for a summer season in the Med.

It's been a few days since I disembarked Queen Mary 2 in Southampton so it's time for some last thoughts about the ship.

I still find it strange to reflect that it took me seven hours to get to New York and five days at sea to get back to the UK, with no sign of land at all. "Is this the view all the way," one of the passengers mused at breakfast on the first morning, while looking out at the horizon. I said I thought it probably was. He didn't look overly impressed.

On first walk-about, QM2 is a confusing ship, especially if you are a regular cruiser, because nothing is where it should be. But it all soon falls into place.

The self-service, always aft on one of the top decks on modern ships, is on deck seven and mid-ships because the Princess and Queens Grill restaurants - these are the ones for the higher-paying passengers - are aft.

Likewise, the theatre isn't at the front of the ship; instead there is a huge another part of the ship forward of the theatre containing the Planetarium.

I watched three different shows there - they are free but you should pick up tickets in the morning to guarantee a seat - and loved them. Didn't always follow the narrative - at one showing in particular the snoring man in front kept grabbing my attention! - but the effects were great, planets whizzing about the dome, collisions, explosions and so on.

A bit of rough weather (which thankfully we didn't have) and you'd think you were at a theme park.

The show was only marred by the ridiculous safety warnings broadcast at the start of each show. I could just about live with the spiel about locating the emergency exits (but they don't ask you to do that when in the theatre, self-service, dining room, etc) but what was the bit about banging your leg on a protruding table as you leave the seat all about?

There was very little chance anyway. Intrigued to find this table, I fumbled about but couldn't even get it to come out of its slot at the side of the seat. And I tried each time I went to the show.

Before you get the idea I am really sad, I should add you have to do something to pass the time while passengers bumble around trying to work out what "sit in the red seats" means! "How difficult is it," the exasperated guy in charge said under his breath - or it should have been but I'm sure I wasn't the only one who heard him.

Illuminations, the room which houses the Planetarium, was also used for the lectures, which were the best I've seen on a ship. Interesting subjects and well presented by people who really knew their stuff.

I went to three presentations by film historian Barry Brown, who had brought lots of wonderful old film clips to illustrate his lectures, and the one about the history and restoration of the Statue of Liberty by art historian and conservator Christine Rousell was the talk of the ship.

Apparently when Frenchman Frederic Bartholdi had this plan to build a colossal statue (that is the technical term), his plan was for it to stand at the entrance to the Suez Canal, but the Egyptians turned down the idea because it was too expensive. He then offered to America as a gesture of the friendship between France and the US.

Both countries had huge problems trying to raise money for the project, but finally they did, although it meant it was finished 10 years behind schedule, in 1886. Almost 100 years on some French engineers went up the statue and saw it was falling apart. Cue Christine and her team to set things right.

It took the best part of three years and $150 million but they did it. She said the crown is being reopened this summer but for just 30 people at a time. Expect long queues.

I was less enthralled with the art auctions - and so were all the other passengers if the lack of bidding was anything to go by. These events are so tacky I'm surprised they even have them on QM2. I was also surprised to see those awful car boot-type stalls set up in the corridors on a ship where, I was told, they carry guests, not passengers, in staterooms, not cabins. Oh and of course the ship is actually a liner.

It makes it all sound so sophisticated and refined, but you soon realise Cunard is only out to make money, money, money, just like any other line.

There are some big rooms, especially the Queens Room, where afternoon tea is served by waiters in white gloves (tradition, tradition) and all the dressy folk go to dance in the evening.

Another couple of surprises. When I went to the Queens Room one evening, they were holding a Miss Queen or some such competition. It was just not in keeping with the elegance of the room and the evening. Also, there are three formal nights on a six-night transatlantic crossing and most people do dress for the occasion - it's part of the Cunard thing - but there were quite a few who just didn't bother. And they got away with it.

The ship has lots of small bars, which gives QM2 a small ship feel. My favourite hangout was the Chart Room, a popular place thanks to the jazz band that played there every evening.

My biggest complaint about the ship was the dining. If you are in the standard class cabins you eat in Britannia Restaurant. Two sittings, set tables. Easy and traditional (that word again), as Cunard likes to be, but not really to my taste.

If you are in a Princess Grill cabin, as I was, you dine in the Princess Grill, if you are in the Queens Grill cabin your table is in the Queens Grill. Both are small restaurants, much more intimate than the Britannia. Easy so far, but crucially you don't have a set time to dine.

That normally works for me. Turn up, join others who have also just arrived and dine together. It's a nice social occasion. Ah, but that's not how it works here. Grills passengers are allocated a table so you could turn up just when the others are finishing eating, as happened to me the first evening.

It made for a very awkward dinner as they clearly felt it would be rude to leave me, but I felt equally unhappy eating while being watched and trying to make conversation.

I guess it was partly my fault as I was asked before the trip if I wanted to share a table or dine alone. So great. The other option would have been to dine on my own each night.

"It doesn't work because you are alone," the hotel manager David Stephenson told me. So there are no single passengers on the ship? I don't think so. Actually, the system wouldn't necessarily work for me if I was with a partner. Mine was a table for eight. I would not want to sit on a table of that size with just one other person either.

Luckily, it wasn't too much of an issue as I dined one night in Lotus - part of the self-service by day that becomes a waiter service Asian restaurant in the evening. The food was delicious.

The lovely maitre d' in the Princess Grill, Sandro Ranieri, also arranged for me and a companion to eat in Todd English one evening - $30 per head extra, but again the food was very good (had to take out a mortgage for a bottle of wine mind!) - and he also got me a table in the Queens Grill, which was actually just like the Princess Grill, except this time I was dining alone.

No matter. Osman Pinaroglu, the charming maitre d', came over regularly to see all was OK and the service was good, even though the waiters were rushed off their feet. The wine waiter was less impressed with me. I just browsed his menu to make a note of the prices. "You don't want to buy a bottle," he asked. Not at those prices I didn't.

People celebrating birthdays on cruises usually have to make do with a cake and rather tuneless happy birthday to you from the crew at the dinner table, but Dorothy Dick is a bit special.

Not only did she celebrate her 90th birthday on Hebridean Island Cruises' Hebridean Princess, but it was her 33rd cruise with the cruiseline. That makes her a very important person. So she was presented with a Harley Crossley print of the ship and a card signed by all the crew.

Here she is with the Captain Michael Hepburn, chief officer James Forbes Simpson, assistant purser Valeria Semina and chief purser Dave Indge.

Here's a river cruise with a difference from Bales Worldwide - eight nights sailing down the Rajang River in Sarawak, Borneo, in the footsteps of British explorer Redmond O'Hanlon.

The Into Borneo Expedition Cruise, on the 30-cabin Orient Pandaw, will take you through the region's rainforest with the chance to go jungle trekking and exploring up the Kanowit River on a long boat.

You'll visit a traditional long house, where the Iban tribes live, a rattan workshop, deer farm, pepper plantation and the Brooke Raj Fort Emma, built by the Brooke family, who ruled Sarawak for 100 years. It is now part of Eastern Malaysia.

The cruise is new to Bales this summer and costs from £1,765 per person for departures in July and August, including flights, accommodation, full board on the cruise, English-speaking guides and a full sightseeing programme. Call 0845 057 0600 for more information

US Coast Guards stepped in to help this week when a 72-year-old man cruising on Princess Cruises' Sea Princess had a fall.

The ship, which was about 80 miles south of Juneau in Alaska, contacted the Coast Guard at 09.35. By 12.05 the helicopter was hovering over the ship and lowing a swimmer to help at the deck end of the operation and a stretcher so the man could be winched off and whisked to hospital.

The Coast Guard caught the whole thing on video - well almost the whole thing. We never actually see the stretcher being pulled into the helicopter. But apparently it was and the man is now is a stable condition in hospital.

Who says cruising is all about putting on weight?

Starting Monday morning, GMTV's Mr Motivator will be showing the female half of the nation how to get fit, healthy and in shape to wear a bikini this summer in live show broadcast from Princess Cruises' Ruby Princess while it cruises the Med.

Three "Bikini Ladies", representing the body shapes of an apple, a pear and a tofi (that's thin outside, fat inside, by the way, not lousy spelling), have been picked by GMTV to take part in the programmes, which are on all next week and will come from a different port each day.

The ladies will be working out in the ship's gym and on-deck and learning how to prepare healthy food with the help of the ship's executive chef, as well as getting active on ship's shore excursions.

Oh, and Princess will be using the opportunity to show you the many best bits of Ruby Princess of course.

It takes me back to a cruise I did in the Caribbean a few years back that also proved you don't have to put on weight on a cruise.

Don't believe me? Then tune in to ITV1's breakfast show all next week and get Mr Motivated!

John Cleese will be keeping the troops entertained on Silversea's new ship, Silver Spirit, next year, as it makes its way around South America on a 91-day Grand Inaugural Voyage from Fort Lauderdale to New York.

The Monty Python and Fawlty Towers star will be talking about his career and passing on anecdotes from his life on the Buenos Aires (just don't mention the war) to Santiago segment of the cruise, starting February 20 2010.

Dr Kathryn Sullivan, the first American woman to walk in space, will also be joining the Grand Inaugural, this time on the Los Angeles to New York segment starting April 2 2010, when she will be talking about her life as an astronaut.

If you're struggling to decide who would be more interesting, you could always stay on for the whole cruise - or at least go for 70 days, as you'll be eligible for lots of goodies including private car transfers, business-class air upgrade and up to $2,000 per suite onboard credits to spend on shore excursions or in the spa (as drinks and gratuities are included anyway).

You'll also be able to attend the vessel's naming ceremony in Fort Lauderdale, a special polo match in Barbados to honour the ship and you'll get prime seats for the Rio Carnaval parade, which will be in full swing when Silver Spirit arrives in Rio de Janeiro on February 14.

Your local cruise specialist agent will have more details.

I see on Cruise Critic that one of last bastions of the fixed dining tyranny is crumbling.

One of their sharp-eyed members spotted a reference, since removed, to Celebrity Select Dining on Celebrity Cruises' US website, sparking an "are they aren't they debate". It seems they are, but are just not quite ready to tell the cruising world about it yet.

It had to happen - in fact I am amazed Celebrity has taken so long to move on this, especially as Holland America Line, its main rival, took the leap a couple of years ago, offering As you wish dining alongside fixed for the growing number of cruisers who don't want to be told when and where to eat when they are on holiday.

I endured something similar in a Russian hotel in 1977, but then Communism ruled and we all shook our hands in sadness at such a defunct system.

Judging by the Cruise Critic message boards, the move by Celebrity will be very welcome. One member bemoans the end of elegant dining, but I'm with DaveFr who asks how dining with 1,000 others in a noisy room with waiters dashing back and forth can be considered particularly elegant.

Bring it on Celebrity, and the sooner the better.

Some you lose. And the so-called "blimp" that made its debut on Oasis of the Seas last week, while Royal Caribbean International's megaship undertook its sea trials, was definitely a loser. Quite literally.

Apparently the vague idea is that the aerostat might fly 50 metres above the 5,400-passenger ship, as it is in the picture, offering thrill rides for those who fancied giving it a go. Problem, is, it might have been a little more thrilling than Royal was planning as during the trials it somehow became untethered and crash-landed into the sea.

I'll let Richard Fain, Royal Caribbean Cruises chairman and chief executive officer, tell it in his own inimicable way.

Then this morning, something happened and the balloon broke free. It ended up in the water and we are now taking steps to recover it and determine what happened. This is precisely why we do such tests (and why I don't take credit until we know whether or not they are successful).

Here's something new for MSC Cruises - there will be two mini 10-pin bowling alleys on MSC Splendida when it is named in Barcelona next month.

The alleys have been scaled down to fit in the Sports Bar - even the balls are smaller to make them more manageable for youngsters - and while the surface looks the real thing, actually it is made from a tough phenol compound so passengers don't need special bowling shoes.

Of course, there is nothing new about bowling alleys at sea. Norwegian Cruise Line already has them on two ships - full size at that - and they will also be on the new Norwegian Epic, launching next year.

But as MSC points out, it is a first for a European ship. Meaning, I suppose, they now have something that Costa Cruises does not.

Now there's a challenge...

Costa Cruises has dubbed Costa Luminosa, its new ship, "the ship of light". After a few hours on board while it was in Harwich the other day - the tallest thing around as you approach the port - it was easy to see why.

There are spotlights, light clusters and chandeliers everywhere, all cleverly used to bring out the best bits of the design of the ship, which is another Joe Farcus masterpiece.

I'm can't say I am a huge fan of the OTT designs Farcus usually comes up with for Costa and Carnival Cruise Lines, but I can't help but admire his imagination and fantastic attention to detail. I've seen this C on the door handles on Costa ships before but I still think it's a great touch, and how about the C under the tables in the Grand Bar?

Actually, Luminosa is far less over the top than many of Farcus' designs - almost elegant in places. There are no pink spots or models of ships hanging upside down on the ceilings, not even any spaced-out mermaids (well none that I saw anyway), but there are some very clever light designs, like these blue clusters that are then repeated on the side of the bar.

One of the things that really struck me about the ship is how much room there is - in the corridors, in the bars, on the open decks. It's hard to imagine there will ever be a shortage of sunbeds, although you could get exhausted wandering around trying to find a free one.

There are also some neat touches - after struggling to open one for a few moments, I discovered the doors into the public toilets are automatic, no doubt to try to help reduce the spread of norovirus (but automatic toilet flushes as well would have made more sense) and I love the late breakfast station just inside from the aft deck. Great for getting a snack without having to get covered up for the buffet, but why wasn't it open at lunchtime?

Unfortunately I didn't get to see the thermal suite in the spa. As people were using it, I wasn't allowed in, which was annoying but only right for those who had paid for privacy. But it sounded good and I made do instead with checking out the sauna in the ladies changing room which has a big window so you can sweat with a view.

The notice outside says "bathing suits must be worn". Inside there was one topless woman. Well it is a European ship you know.

The Miami Herald reports that a 46-year-old man has been rescued after falling from Carnival Cruise Lines' Carnival Inspiration while it was returning to Tampa port after a four-day cruise.

Apparently he went over the side after slipping while climbing on a railing to get a better view of the pilot boat. He was found clinging to a buoy.

I hope sight of the pilot boat was worth the ordeal. At least most people have the excuse of being drunk.

They say things come in threes so I guess we shouldn't be surprised to discover another passenger went overboard from a Carnival ship.

Tampa Bay Online says a search was initiated in the Gulf of Mexico earlier this week after a passenger on Carnival Holiday reported hearing a splash. It's believed the victim was a 50-year-old woman.

TBO says it's the second such incident in less than a month, but it's actually the third. As I reported only today, a man went overboard from Inspiration this week and was found clinging to a buoy.

When a person from Disney asks you to welcome an unexpected guest, it can mean only one thing: Mickey is in town.

Sure enough, the world's most famous mouse entered the tent set up at Dover's cruise terminal one for the UK Cruise Convention in Dover yesterday, and pranced down the aisle, cuddling agents and posing for pictures on the way.

It was a fitting finale for Disney's Peter Welch, a man with a very long title, who had been telling us all about Disney Cruise Line - namely the fact that Disney Magic will be cruising from Dover next year and that the company is getting two new ships, Disney Dream and Disney Fantasy, in 2011 and 2012 respectively.

Could it be they sent Captain Mickey to Dover to do work his magic because they have just realised they need to get the British market on board to fill the new vessels? Surely not.

The first day of the cruise convention started with a tour of Holland America Line's Prinsendam, a lovely little ship with room for just under 800 passengers and a rather old-fashioned and cosy feel.

I was treated to lunch in the Pinnacle Grill - main course, half a cow, but oozing with taste - and was interested to hear Holland America has reduced the price there from a "do you think we should" $30 per person to a "we can't afford not to" $20. If you are ever on a HAL ship, believe me, you really can't afford not to.

I learned lots of new things at the conference yesterday - that HAL has created a new category of Lanai cabins that have floor-to-ceiling glass sliding doors onto the promenade deck (a great way of adding "balconies" - and you even get your own sunloungers reserved outside the door), that British housewives spend half their leisure time online, that women form relationships with websites (I am the only one who finds that a little worrying?) and that John Heald, moderator for the day, is senior aerobics instructor with Carnival.

OK, so that was a joke as anyone who knows John will know, but it was his joke. Actually he's Carnival's number-one cruise director and an ace blogger. Do check out the website if you've never seen it, but ladies please, do not form a relationship with it.

The most talked-about part of Norwegian Cruise Line's new ship Norwegian Epic has been lowered into place. The block, the ship's rather unattractive "crown", where the villa people will reside, weighs 563 tons - about the same as 64 elephants - and took an hour to get into place. The radar mast has to be added and then it's time for the float out. That's scheduled for July 11. 

I am intrigued to know what persuaded Mr Meyer - or whoever started Meyer Werft shipyard in Germany in 1795 - that it would be a good idea to build ships up a river, miles from the sea.

I admit when the idea was conceived, ships were a lot smaller and who back then who would have thought they would get as big as Celebrity Cruises' 122,000-ton 2,850-passenger Celebrity Equinox, which managed to squeeze through the locks at the weekend, en route to its sea trials in the North Sea.

The ship had to be tugged backwards down the river (which is confusing when you are finding your way around as if you walk in the direction the ship is moving, which is forwards normally, you are actually going to the back, and vice-versa) and there was also a tug at the back, which was really the front, to keep the ship on course.

At about 10.30pm the cry went up that the lock gates connecting the shipyard to the river had opened so we rushed out to watch the first manoeuvre. I was still not convinced the ship would fit through the gap - especially when the clock ticked on to 12.30am and we were still in front of the first lock, pictured here.

I assumed they were carefully calculating widths. But no.

Apparently opening the lock gates created a wave and we had to wait for the wave to come back (I'm not entirely sure where it went but given the long wait it must have been a long way away) to give the ship enough depth to get through. It really was that critical.

"There's no way I'm buying till it gets out to sea," Dan Hanrahan, Celebrity's president and chief executive officer, had joked earlier. At least I think it was a joke.

Both sides of the locks were lined with locals who had been waiting in campervans for much of the day in the hope the ship would set off - it is always a bit touch and go whether this so-called conveyance will happen as planned as the wind and tides have to be exactly right.

As we went through, touching some grass overhanging the the bank I am sure, Rod Stewart's "We Are Sailing" blasted out from somewhere on land. Corny but appropriate.

The ship tugged on through the night - I am told at one point a bridge had to be dismantled for it to get through but I'm afraid I was asleep by then (I reckoned it would have been too dark to see much anyway). By 6.30am this was the rather murky view from my cabin.

By 7.30am, people were starting to line the river bank to watch our progress and by 10am, we were face to face with the next lock - well more a barrier - at Gandersum. Again it looked far too narrow but Equinox sailed through with room to spare! Enough space to park a London taxi cab, I am told. Really? That much?

All the unessential folk - that included me, other journalists and travel agents, and even Dan Hanrahan, who's only wanted next to sign the cheque - were dropped off at Emden in Germany and the ship sailed on to Eemshaven in Holland to collect provisions before heading out to be put through its sea trials.

With luck, that's where it is now. Another month and it will be in Southampton, where it is to be named by.... Ah sorry, you'll have to wait a few more days to find that out.

I got the feeling grass was a bit of a sensitive subject at Celebrity Cruises on the transfer between Amsterdam Airport to the Meyer Werft shipyard in Papenburg, Germany, to see the new Celebrity Equinox.

A warning came through that the grass was brown - something I suspect myself and others in the group would have noticed when we went on board, so no doubt it was an attempt to forstall all jokes about the wrong-coloured grass.

It certainly was rather brown, but all was explained by Dan Hanrahan, Celebrity's president and chief executive officer, as he took the British group of journalists and travel agents on a tour of the new ship.

The brown grass was from warm weather seed (Bermuda grass, grown in Italy), which will be overplanted by cold weather seed so as the ship moves from one climate to another, the appropriate grass will grow and the other will hibernate.

It sounds logical and as it was more like March than April in the shipyard, I guess it made sense that the hot stuff wouldn't be looking its best. I just hope they get the cold stuff in and doing its green thing in time for the ship's arrival in Southampton next month.

Equinox is pretty much a carbon copy of Celebrity Solstice, which launched last November. That's partly because Solstice was so well received the guys in charge thought they might as well give their fans more of the same, but Dan Hanrahan admitted they were also so nervous about bringing out two big ships - each with capacity for 2,850 passengers - so close to each other that they decided to play safe and not tinker too much.

But there are one or two new things on Equinox. Safes have been moved out of the wardrobes to free up hanging space, there are a couple more heated loungers in the Persian Garden thermal suite and these rather elegant drapes have been fitted in the Sky Observation Lounge, creating some rather nice semi-private areas.

They have also teamed up with a liquid chef, who creates cocktails that have been frozen with liquid nitrogen. Margherita slush anyone?

I'm pleased to say the elegant white dining room has not been changed - it has to be the only dining room on a cruise ship with a wow factor - and it features this amazing floor-to-ceiling wine rack they first brought out on Solstice.

Finally, some information about Oceania Cruises' new ship Marina, which launches at the end of next year - and it's all to do with food.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised at that given they are calling it a ship for epicureans on account of it having 10 places to eat. I know that doesn't sound so many these days, but it is on a vessel the size of Marina, which will hold just 1,258 passengers.

The ship will have a culinary arts centre with individual workstations, where passengers can learn to cook alongside the ship's top chef. Classes will last anything from 45 minutes to three hours (and this is a holiday?) and cater for every level, from "how do I break an egg" beginners to "veal in its own jus" dinner party types.

The chef will also take passengers on tours of local markets and maybe arrange private tastings at local wineries. Now that sounds more like it. Sign me up!

Marina will also have a new five-course de gustustation (sic) restaurant, Red Ginger, featuring food from Thailand, Japan and Vietnam. Fresh interpretations of Asian classics are promised, which sounds great, unless of course you are particularly partial to those Asian classics, in which case it might be disappointing!

It's a sampling menu, which means you'll get bits of everything, that will take you on an Asian culinary adventure (president Bob Binder's words, not mine but it sounds good).

Have to say, the sample menu sounds delicious. Sign me up for that too!

What a difference 12 weeks makes. Last time I saw Yachts of Seabourn's new Seabourn Odyssey, president and chief executive officer Pam Conover did not want any pictures taken inside because it was really just a building site and understandably that was not the image of the new ship that she wanted to portray.

That was April. Now it's June and the first paying guests will be coming on board tomorrow and the ship is looking lovely. Well almost lovely. Workmen are still hard at it in certain areas and some unspecified technical problems mean plans for our two-day cruise keep changing by the minute.

We were supposed to have anchored off the coast of Slovenia today and had a few fun hours playing with the water sports equipment - water-skis, jet-skis and the like - that are carried on the ship. Then because the workmen had to work, they came up with plan B - we spend the day moored up outside St Mark's Square.

I'm not entirely sure which plan we are now on, but as I write this on Tuesday morning we haven't left the port at Venice - because we can't. The ship got here from Genoa but now they can't get it moving again.

I just hope Seabourn manages to sort things out before tomorrow because while this has to be one of the better ports in the world, with Venice just a 15-minute stroll away, a maiden cruise to nowhere is not what the passengers signed up to.

But on to the ship, which, as I say, is looking lovely. I was just raving about the dining room on Celebrity Equinox. At the risk of being repetitive, I have to do the same about the one on Seabourn Odyssey. And eat my words, because here is another dining room with a wow. The white décor is fabulous and I love these "hi-top" tables at either end of the room.

The self-service (below, set up for waiter-service dinner) is equally elegant - so much so it took a while before I realised this was the buffet restaurant. It also has hi-top tables. On Seabourn's three sisters (Seabourn Pride, Legend and Spirit), Restaurant 2, which pairs different tastes (hence the name) has to alternate with the regular speciality restaurant. On Seabourn Odyssey, it has its own room, which has an very Asian feel.

Seabourn Central is a clever idea - an internet café, coffee bar, library and guest relations all rolled into one, and without the traditional guest relations' desks. Instead, there are individual desks in an area inside the room. If you want to see someone, you can have a coffee, read a book, check your emails while waiting and then sit down and have a normal conversation with someone instead of having a tall counter between you and the receptionist. A great touch.

Unlike the sisters, Odyssey has full-size balconies, a pool and a pool-side grill. It's a walk-up service, with semi-cooked food then prepared to order and waiters on hand to carry passengers' plates to the table. All very nice but yesterday it was also all very slow. I suspect they might turn it over to a fully-served option to avoid long queues.

I discovered my first fault while eating my burger. The cushions on the seats at the grill have a soft suede feel but after you've been sitting on one in the sun for a while in a pair of shorts they get a little - how can I put this - damp. And so do you.

The same material has been used on these cosy double sunbeds at the front of the ship, but of course people will be lying on towels. That's the obvious solution when sitting on the chairs as well, but you have to know.

At about 11.45am today the engines started and Yachts of Seabourn's new ship Seabourn Odyssey finally set sail for a 30-minute cruise to Venice. OK, not very far, but the cruise from the port has to be one of the best in the world.

We sailed past St Mark's Square, heaving with people as always, and the Doges Palace and now we are moored a 15-minute walk from St Mark's. Plan Z on this ever changing itinerary is that we'll be heading out to sea at 5pm for a quick spin around the Adriatic, then coming back to the port for the night.

Then tomorrow all the journalists and travel agents get off, making way for the really important people - the paying passengers.

In a major break from tradition, all 450 of them will become the ship's godparents (well it would be embarassing for the men to be godmothers) tomorrow when the ship is officially christened here in Venice. Their names will be engraved on a plaque displayed on board.

A bottle of prosecco - Italian sparkling wine - will be smashed against the bow, which has raised a some daft comments about Carnival Corporation's cost-cutting.

Yeah, well naturally they will be looking to save a few euros here and there given they have committed to spend almost $1 billion on three new ships (there are another two sisters to follow Odyssey, Seabourn Sojourn next year, another, as yet unnamed, in 2011).

I think I'll go with president and CEO Pam Conover's explanation - that it is fitting to break a bottle of Italian fizz on a ship that has just been built in Italy.

I just hope they have a smashing time.

Cunard has lined up another Royal rendezvous in New York on January 13 2011. Exactly three years to the day since the last time it happened, its three Queens will meet in the Big Apple.

Except this time Queen number three will be Queen Elizabeth, launching in autumn 2010, not the QE2.

Queen Elizabeth will be there on her maiden world cruise, which departs from Southampton, Queen Mary 2 will be starting her fourth round the world, departing from New York, and Queen Victoria, taking a break from globetrotting in 2011, will be about to set off on an 18-night Mexican Adventure.

And you can be there. You could just join one of the cruises, of course, but Cunard has also put together a three-in-one world cruise - Southampton to New York on Queen Victoria, New York to Sydney on Queen Elizabeth and Sydney back to Southampton on Queen Mary 2.

Sounds great, but just think of all that packing and unpacking.

Queen Elizabeth's maiden world cruise sets off from Southampton. From New York it goes to the South Pacific, New Zealand and Australia and then comes back to Southampton via the Far East, Middle East and Suez. A total 103 days away and prices from £9,999 per person.

Queen Mary 2 will sail from New York to the Caribbean and then turn left, heading to South Africa the Indian Ocean, Australia and New Zealand and Asia - a mere 96-day voyage. Prices start from £8,999.

The 2011 world cruises go on sale July 1.

I promised you the name of the godmother to Celebrity Cruises' new ship Celebrity Equinox this week and here it is - Nina Barough, founder of the charity Walk the Walk, which is dedicated to raising money for breast cancer research.

UK-born Barough, herself a breast cancer surviver, will be naming the ship in a gala ceremony in Southampton on July 29, culminating in a bottle of bubble made by the Corning Museum of Glass (these are the guys who do the glass-blowing shows on the Solstice-class ships) being smashed against the hull of the ship.

Let's hope they remember to leave a little crack so it breaks at the right moment.

Cruise.co.uk has been running a "who is the ugliest of them all" poll with Royal Caribbean International's mega Oasis of the Seas pitched against Norwegian Cruise Line's Norwegian Epic.

Sorry NCL, but I reckon Oasis has it - just. I would have to agree with the majority, but again, only just. I love Spartan of Kent's comment that Epic looks gas powered - the lump on top being the box with the gas. Bet the villa passengers booked to go in the "box" will love that.

But as Roberto Martonoli, NCL's president and chief operating officer, pointed out to me last month when I was in New York to learn about the Blue Man Group, it doesn't really matter what the ship looks like from the outside. It's what the passengers enjoy inside that matters. He has a point. And Epic promises some great new features, as indeed does Oasis.

As well as going head to head in the beauty stakes, the ships appear to be competitors when it comes to places to eat. And sorry, NCL, but Oasis again seems in the lead, having just announced it has 24 "distinct" dining venues.

They include 150 Central Park, serving the latest cruise ship dining must-have - a tasting menu and wine pairings - and Giovanni's Table, also in Central Park. which is a casual replacement for Portofino, the classy Italian found on other Royal ships. Chops Grille and Johnny Rockets are back, and there are some new healthy places to eat, including a pastry cafe, pizza and burger bar, a Donut (sic) Shop and Ice Cream Parlor (sic).

Yes, that was a joke. Passengers will either have to pack a huge dollop of self-discipline or some outsized clothes to get them home. Or maybe they'll keep fit walking to and from the restaurants on this giant of a ship.

If my experience on Freedom of the Seas is anything to go by (and it is half the size of Oasis) some stout walking shoes wouldn't be a bad idea either.

A milestone in the short history of P&O Cruises' new ship, Azura, was reached on Friday when the valves of the dry dock at the Monfalcone shipyard, near Trieste, Italy, opened so water could hit the hull for the first time.

The float-out is always a big occasion for a new cruise ship - it's the moment when the superstructure is finished and the shipyard can turn its attention to fitting out the interior - so naturally it wasn't going to pass without ceremony.

But first we were able to have a quick peek inside the ship, which launches next April.

In terms of size and layout, Azura is a sister to Ventura, but in style the two siblings could not be more different. Ventura was a bit of a rebel, but Azura is going back to P&O's heartland, out to attract the line's regular cruisers.

This will be Sindhu (if you know Ventura, it's where East is, but unlike East it will open out onto the corridor), an Indian fine dining restaurant created by Michelin-starred chef Atul Kochhar.

It won't be blow-your-mind hot stuff, he tells me (shame because that's what I really love), but he promises he will be using a lot of spices, so the food should be packed with taste. Atul is also creating an Indian tapas-style menu that will be served in a seating area around the restaurant's open kitchen.

Below is The Glass House (Las Ramblas on Ventura), where TV wine expert Olly Smith is creating a wine-cum-dining experience.

Each course will be accompanied by a different wine, which will be "presented" to diners in a lively and passionate Olly-style spiel (tune into Saturday Kitchen to see him in action). "It won't be in a bow tie or pretentious way", he promised. "Enjoying wine should be all about informality and having fun."

Sadly that was to be Olly's last word on the matter because when he saw where The Glass House will be, he was rendered speechless - he reckons for the first time in his life. "It's amazing, brilliant," he managed as he surveyed the huge area. Personally I think a bit of work on the decor might not go amiss but hey, who am I?

Seriously though, Olly has already picked the 32 wines that will be served in The Glass House, and also the glassware ("it's got to show off the wine but be strong enough to survive life on a cruise ship"), and is now concentrating on getting people trained and sorting out things like storage issues so the wine is always served in peak condition.

As The Glass House will be as much about Olly's presentation as the wines, P&O is planning to run a competition to find an Olly number two, who will be doing the theatricals when the main man himself can't be there, which will be most of the time.

The quick look-see over (the top is Malabar, the Tamarind Club on Ventura, below is me with the adult-only Retreat in the background), we watched as a £2 coin and euro were welded at the foot of the ship's mast for good luck. Here is Carnival UK chief executive officer David Dingle wielding the iron ...

...and then headed dockside for speeches, a blessing, and to see the madrina Amanda Dowds, wife of Azura's captain Keith Dowds, press the button that sent a bottle of Italian Prosecco smashing into the ship's hull, signaling the moment for the valves to open and the water to be allowed in.

A madrina (or godmother) at this stage of the construction, by the way, is Italian shipyard tradition. Amanda is godmother of the float-out, but there will be another godmother to name the ship.

Sea trials are planned for the end of the year and P&O Cruises takes delivery of the ship on March 31. There will be a few days of inaugural celebrations in Southampton before the ship's maiden voyage, a Mediterranean cruise departing April 12.

Sneaky or what? Less than 10 days after Cunard announced it had extended its contract with Canyon Ranch, the US spa company has signed a deal with Oceania Cruises.

Canyon Ranch spas will be installed on Oceania's existing three ships, Regatta, Insignia and Nautica, by September this year, replacing Steiner's Mandara brand. It will also be on new ship Marina when that launches at the end of 2010.

Cunard won't be happy - they make a big deal of the fact that Queen Mary 2 has the only Canyon Ranch spa at sea - but Oceania passengers will be delighted. I used the spa when I was on QM2 this month and once I had got over the cost of the treatments, I really enjoyed the experience.

Staff seemed more genuine and were not so aggressively sales orientated as those from the Steiner school of (no)charm, who push you towards the highest-priced treatments and whose therapists invariably try to sell you hugely-expensive lotions and potions afterwards, one-to-one in the treatment room when it's awkward to say no.

It's a shame as the tactic negates any relaxation induced by the treatment, leaving you a little annoyed (or out of pocket if you're anything like the crazy woman I once met who spend a fortune on the therapist's say-so because she felt she "had to") and wondering why you even bothered at all.

Next time you book a cruise that either starts or ends in Venice, be sure to add a night or two at the Cipriani.

It was my home for the night before the Azura float-out and it is wonderfully romantic, on an island across from St Mark's Square so you are away from the madding crowds but as there is a launch to take you back and forth 24 hours a day you can take on the hordes whenever you feel like it.

The service is truly classy (I asked the man who showed me to my room about using wifi and when I went downstairs 10 minutes later he had already arranged an access code for me) and my bedroom was gorgeous, with a bathroom big enough to get lost in. I think it has to be the only hotel I've stayed in that has ceramic holders for the pens.

Of course none of this comes cheap, but it is a perfect add-on to a ultra-luxury cruise. And as the luxury lines have so many deals around at the moment, you can always treat yourself to the hotel with the money you save on the cruise.

Just remember to take the one you love.

Celebrity Cruises has confirmed that starting September, passengers will be able to opt for fixed dining or go for the new Select system, which allows them to choose a time to dine.

They have gone for an incredibly complicated system though - which is no doubt why they have given themselves until September to put it in place.

Passengers can pre-book their preferred dining time for the duration of the cruise, or pre-book different dining times. Or if they pre-book and then if they want to change when they are on board, they can do that too.

Having experienced first-hand P&O Cruises making a complete hash of its Freedom dining on Ventura because it allowed people to book, I can't help wondering how Celebrity is going to manage this.

I am also struggling to understand the point of the new system, which seems simply to allow passengers to fix another time to dine rather than giving them flexibility to just go and eat when they want to.

"We don't want Celebrity passengers having to queue to get a table," Lisa Lutoff-Perlo, Celebrity Cruises senior vice-president hotel operations, told me.

To my mind, Celebrity Select also misses one of the key points of these new flexible dining systems, namely giving passengers the option to dine alone with your partner if that's what you wish, rather than share a table with complete strangers.

Lutoff-Perlo said diners are unlikely to get a table for two as there are so few in the dining rooms on Celebrity ships, but she promises people won't be put on a table where passengers are already halfway through their meal.

Which is something I guess.

The island of St Helena, where Napoleon was exiled, is remote enough, but in January 2011 the RMS St Helena, the cargo-cum-passenger ship that is its lifeline - it's the only way in and out of the island so everything the Saints need has to arrive on the Royal Mail Ship - will be making a return visit to Tristan da Cunha.

Tristan is 1,320 miles south of St Helena, itself 1,200 miles off the west coast of Africa, and said to be the world's most remote inhabited island, home to just 272 people. The RMS St Helena was last there in February 2006 and has no plans to be back other than this one time, so this really is a bit of a one-off trip.

The 20-day Tristan da Cunha voyage departs Cape Town on January 25 2011. It will spend three nights at Tristan and then sail on to St Helena, an overseas territory of the UK, for two nights, returning to Cape Town on February 13.

Prices start from £2,716 per person including all meals on board the ship (passengers stay on board at Tristan) but excluding international flights. Call 020 7575 6480 for more information and to book.

Dawn Princess is the latest Princess ship to have been given a makeover. After two weeks in dry dock in Brisbane, Australia, the vessel is now back in service sporting a signature Movies under the Stars screen by the pool and an adults-only Sanctuary.

It's a case of one out, one in for Princess.

Royal Princess checked into a shipyard in Piraeus at the weekend, where it will undergo repairs following the engine room fire on June 18, as the ship was departing from Port Said in Egypt.

No one was hurt in the blaze, but two engines were disabled. That cruise and the June 25 departure were cancelled. The ship is expected to be back in service in time for its next scheduled cruise, departing Venice on July 7.