Cruise Lines

I've never had a suite with portholes before.

Thing is, when Windstar's  Wind Surf launched in 1990 - it started life as Club Med I - my room was just an ordinary cabin. Or rather two ordinary cabins. Because my suite is two rooms that have been knocked together.

The result is a lovely big room with two doors, two full-size bathrooms, two work desks, two flat-screen TVs, a big sitting area and the bedroom, and a big curtain across the opening between the sitting area and bedroom that is closed at night. 

I've also got a DVD player - you can borrow DVDs free from the library - and an iPod speaker. And yes. You can even borrow an iPod - again for free.

Yesterday, moored off Bequia, in the Grenadines, the marina on Windstar's Wind Surf was lowered for anyone who wanted to have a go at sailing, windsurfing or the like.

It's a great facility. Bjay (pictured below), one of three sport co-odinators, showed me around - six kayaks (three doubles, three singles), two sailing boats, three windsurfs and enough snorkelling equipment for everyone to get masked up and into the water. You can even go waterskiing if the water is calm enough.

You need to be able to sail or windsurf to borrow the equipment, which is all free, but kayaking and snorkelling virgins are fine.

"We also have a rescue boat, but we don't have to use it very often," Bjay reassured me.

The pirate attack on Oceana's Nautica on Sunday morning (November 30) has naturally provoked a lot of talk about the safety of cruising.

In my cruise column in the Telegraph this week, I refer to a quick poll I did among other passengers on the Windstar cruise I am on at the moment in the Caribbean.

A resounding "no" met my question "would the pirate attack put you off cruising?"

One man pointed out that Nautica was close to capacity for its cruise through waters that have become notorious for pirates, while here in the sunny Caribbean, Wind Star has just a quarter full.

It certainly doesn't smack of people running scared.

Another woman paused to wonder what she might think if Captain Jack Sparrow, aka Johnny Depp, appeared on the horizon, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze. We both decided we would force our captain, Briton Mark Boylin, to lower the ropes and let him board!

The weather has been doing a grand job trying to make the Brits on Wind Star feel at home. It was raining when I landed in Barbados on Sunday and was pouring down on and off while we were moored off Bequia. But two days on, the Caribbean is back to its hot and sunny best.

I expected mine to be the only English accent on the ship. In fact, there are loads of us. Well relatively speaking. There are actually only 69 passengers anyway, on a ship that holds 315 (15 are British passport holders and there are other Brits from other places around the world), so it feels a lot like the Marie Celeste, especially in the evenings.

On the first evening, the ship was deserted by the time I left the dining room just before 10pm. Things have picked up though. Last night, in the Compass Rose, my favourite bar (pictured), there were eight of us. A busy night for the barman!

Craig and Nicola, who together make up the band Rain and have been singing their socks off to an empty room, looked thrilled.

The upside of having so few passengers is that we are all loving having our own private yacht and the top service that comes with it. There are 188 crew. That's more than two for each passenger - a ratio the luxury lines can only dream of!

I'm even greeted by name as I get in and out of the tender and the barman remembered my cabin number before me.

For those not in the know, Wind Surf is a sailing ship, with five masts and seven big sails. They switch off the engines if there is enough wind - apparently they saved 30 tonnes of fuel on the transatlantic crossing a couple of weeks back by using wind power - but today, the third evening of my cruise, is the first time I have seen them billowing in the wind, and then only four sails are up.

Sadly there weren't any muscle men heaving and straining to hoist the canvas either, as everything is done at the push of a button.

Ah. The romance of technology.

MSC Cruises' "sail for £1" sale, for this week only (at least as far as we know), seems to have hit wanabee-be cruisers in all the right places.

Operations and reservations manager Milica Mocevic says they have had to draft in extra staff to cope with all the demand.

Which just goes to show what a clever piece of marketing it is.

You only qualify for the £1 cruise when you book with another person paying full brochure price.

When you get over the emotive £1 bit, you realise this is actually just what other cruiselines - and indeed travel companies generally - call "buy one get one free". Except people going for this offer are paying top whack by getting the £1 in return for paying full brochure price.

I reckon they'd probably be better off - literally - shopping around for the 40% and more discounts doing the rounds in these credit-crunching days.

But they are not and MSC is reaping the benefits. Smart.

I'm pleased to report that this cannon, trained on Windstar's ship Wind Surf, is British.

This is the view from Fort Rodney on Pigeon Island in St Lucia. Behind where I'm standing, clearly visible (but not in this picture - here you are looking at St Lucia), is French Martinique. So back in 1778, our man Rodney realised this hill was a perfect vantage point for keeping an eye on the marauding French so he had this fort built.

But how did they get the cannons up there?

One of the highlights of my Windstar cruise was the barbecue on the beach at Pigeon Island in St Lucia - burgers, hot dogs, salads .... and the ubiquitous steel band.

It was all going very well, and then they started playing Christmas carols. December 3, on a beach in the Caribbean, with the sun blazing down.

Too early. Out of place. Bah humbug. I went for a walk.

Far better was the discovery that a woman playing a steel drum is called a pimp. At least that's what one of the other band members told me. I just hope he wasn't joking!

One of the problems of being on a ship with so few passengers (I'm on Windstar Cruises' ship Wind Surf in the Caribbean with another 68 people instead of the full complement of 315) is that most of the shore excursions have been cancelled because they haven't reached the minimum numbers.

It has been very disappointing, so full marks to Leia, the shore excursions manager, for finding out that we would be in Grenada alongside Princess Cruises' Emerald Princess on Friday - and for getting in touch with the ship to see if they happened to do the river tubing trip I wanted to do.

They did - and so full marks to Princess also, for allowing me to infiltrate the group.

It was great fun - you sit in a big tube and float down river, through rapids, bouncing off boulders, going backwards, forwards, spinning; really just as the water and tube takes you because you don't have any control.

I felt rather like a human pinball. But a lot wetter. Especially after the guys from the company running the trip - Adventure River Tubing - got us all corralled at one of the ropes strung across the river where they collect everyone every so often, surrounded us and let loose a barrage of splashing.

Until then I had just been wet; after that I was drowned!

These guys - there were lots of them - did a fantastic job making sure we were all absolutely safe, and rescuing us when we got beached, which happened to several of us a few times. As I said, you have no control on these tubes.

Jude, the guy on the right here, said ours was the second group of the day; sometimes they have four.

All too soon it was over and we were back on dry land for a rum punch (it is the Caribbean after all). "Was it good?" the guy with the bottle asked. I said I had only one complaint. It was over too soon.

By the look on his face I got the impression that was not very original.

It's good to read in Cruise Critic that several cruiselines are dropping the complicated mathematical formula introduced to work out whether passengers will pay a fuel supplement, and instead banishing surcharges to the box marked history.

It has been a long time coming, especially given the price of oil has been hovering around the $50 a barrel mark for some time - well below the $150 high of the summer when the supplements were introduced.

Then they had good reason; now it just looks as if the supplement is being used to help pay for the hefty discounts being offered to get people booking in these tough economic times.

Carnival Corporation's Carnival Cruise Lines, Holland America Line, Costa Cruises, Cunard, Princess Cruises and Yachts of Seabourn will be axing the supplement from December 17 2008. Norwegian Cruise Line and Royal Caribbean brands Celebrity Cruises, Azamara Cruises and Royal Caribbean International follow suit on January 1 2009.

That's a good start. Now let's hear from the lines that are still charging. There's still time for them to make it a happy Christmas for their (British) customers.

Rather than pit passengers against pirates, Cruise Critic says Hapag-Lloyd is going to disembark all those on the first sector of Columbus' world cruise at an undisclosed point before they reach the Gulf of Aden and fly them to Dubai, where they will wait in five-star luxury for the ship to catch up. There will be no extra cost to passengers.

The ship will be manned by a skeleton crew as most of the staff will also be taken off and flown to Dubai.

Hapag-Lloyd managing director Sebastian Ahrens says as long as the situation in the Gulf of Aden is uncertain they will not cruise through the region with passengers on board.

Just over a week ago, there was a failed pirate attack on Oceania Cruises' Nautica.

Prestige Cruise Holdings, the parent company of Oceania Cruises and Regent Seven Seas Cruises, the latest to drop fuel supplements.

The change is effective January 1 2009. Passengers who have already paid the supplement for cruises next year will have the money refunded as an on-board credit.

Soon it'll be only the British lines holding out for the supplement. Why?

Oceania Cruises president Bob Binder is not running scared after Nautica was fired on by pirates at the end of last month.

In an interview in Travel Weekly US, he says they will evaluate itineraries in the area in the interest of the safety of passengers, crew and safety - no surprise there - but adds the pirates are "not a great concern".

I imagine the incident was frightening for passengers - that's if they noticed it was happening. Binder says they were asked to leave the open decks twice (standard procedure in such an incident), but the whole thing was over in just a few moments.

But if we're going to let pirates frighten us out of the Gulf of Aden, cruiseships should also stop sailing into Santorini in case they hit an inaccurately chartered reef and avoid the Arctic and Antarctica as they might hit an iceberg. They should also stay out of the English Channel in case they come across the waterborne equivalent of a boy racer.

Life would be so safe. But oh so boring.

Costa Cruises has launched a new family fare which makes it more affordable for mums and dads to book a separate cabin for the kids.

It's a great deal for parents fed up with going to bed early with the little ones or having to creep around the cabin in the mornings while teens have their beauty sleep.

But what's really interesting about this news is that it transpires Costa doesn't require children to be over a certain age before they can have a cabin to themselves.

"There is no lower age limit for children in their own cabin. As long as there is a person aged over 18 in the cruise party, it is then the parents responsibility for the children in the separate cabin. Costa will try to give interconnecting cabins where possible, but this is not guaranteed."

Norwegian Cruise Line says"kids" have to be over 21 to have their own cabin, which is frankly ridiculous and a rule made to be broken, but no minimum age is not wise either. Imagine a couple of kids under the age of 10 trying to cope in an emergency.

MSC Cruises and P&O Cruises stipulate 18 years, Princess Cruises requires children in a cabi on their own to be aged over 16.

Considering its launch is only a year away, we know very little about Silversea's new ship Silver Spirit, which merits just two paragraphs on the cruiseline's website.

Compare that to Royal Caribbean International's Oasis of the Seas, which comes out at roughly the same time, has its own website and has already had journalists nosing around it in the shipyard.

But in response to a question about world cruising in 2010, I am told Silver Spirit will be sailing a Christmas voyage from Barcelona to Lisbon in December 2009, a transatlantic in January 2010 and a Grand Voyage around South America, starting in January 2010.

So now you know.

Apparently more information will be released in the next couple of weeks. I hope so. The ship carries 540 passengers and none can book unless they have some itineraries and prices.

MSC Cruises took delivery of MSC Fantasia in a ceremony at the STX Europe shipyard in France yesterday. The STX Europe and French flags were lowered and the flags of MSC Cruises, Italy and Panama were raised.

The ship has now left the shipyard and is sailing to Naples by way of Lisbon, Gibraltar, Alicante, Barcelona and Marseilles. It will be named in Naples by Italian diva Sophia Loren on December 18.

I'll be there to watch the ceremony and also staying on board for a two-night cruise to Genoa so look out next week for reports from the ship.

Interesting to get some information from Star Clippers that doesn't just tell me how well they are doing. On the contrary it says the cruise line is to suspend fuel supplements for all cruises departing after March 31 2010. Moreover it is going to refund passengers booking a cruise around Tahiti the magnificent sum of £200 towards the cost of their flights.

Are they in the real world? When most of the rest of the cruising industry, with a few notable exceptions, is getting rid of fuel supplements altogether now, Star Clippers - which operates sailing ships, you will remember, which sail when wind conditions allow, thereby saving on fuel consumption - thinks it is good news that they will be suspended in more than 12 months time. Have they looked at the cost of oil lately?

As for £200 per person towards the cost of a flight to Tahiti. When cruise lines are cutting fares frantically to get people booking, the word generous does not spring to mind.

Costa Cruises has marked the start of its third season of cruising around the Gulf from Dubai by announcing new ship Costa Luminosa, launching in June 2009, will be homeported in the Middle East port in winter 2009/10.

That's quite a commitment given this is still such a new market. Usually, somewhere new has to put up with the smaller, older ships for quite some time, until they have proved themselves.

I guess Costa feels Dubai has already done that. When they launched Dubai cruises in winter 06/07, they had one 1,680-passenger ship and carried 44,000. Last winter they put on a second ship and carried 70,000.

This winter there are also two ships - the 1,680-passenger Costa Classica and the bigger 2,394-passenger Costa Victoria - and they expect to carry 100,000 passengers.

The numbers are made up of Europeans, including Brits, but also increasingly passengers from China and the Far East.

But maybe also Costa is making sure it is in a good position to head off competition from Royal Caribbean International, which is positioning Brilliance of the Seas in Dubai in January 2010, also to operate cruises around the Gulf.

The 92,700-ton Costa Luminosa carries 2,828 passengers and will have all the mod-cons you expect of a new ship including 772 balcony cabins, a luxurious spa, 4D cinema and Grand Prix driving simulator.

Cutting prices is one thing, cutting prices and angering others who have paid a higher price for the same cruise is something else. How not to win hearts and minds.

So good for Voyages of Discovery, which is extending savings just announced on ex-UK sailings and flycruises to passengers who have already booked.

It means some people will cash in on savings of up to 50% on the early-booking prices, or benefit from new prices up to £900 below what they were. Perfect for countering all the bad news floating around right now.

It'll be interesting to see if other lines follow suit.

It's bad enough that Star Clippers is retaining the fuel supplement until March 31 2010. Now I read that honour is actually only for us Europeans and it is lifting the supplement for passengers from North and Latin American only as from January 1 2009.

Nice to see where their loyalties lie. That's a whole 13 more months they plan to charge us the levy, even though the price of oil has plummeted.

I hope passengers vote with their bookings. After all, there are plenty of other lines out there that are playing fair.

Crystal Cruises has followed the pack and is dropping its fuel surcharge for cruises on or after January 1 2009. If you're on a Crystal cruise and have paid in full you'll get a shipboard credit, if you've yet to pay in total, the final invoice will be adjusted.

Happily, they are all falling like flies, although there is still silence from British lines P&O Cruises, Fred Olsen and Ocean Village.

Check out Cruise Critic for a handy round-up of who's doing what.

Who says cruising is boring? Crystal Cruises says it has spend months negotiating (what, exactly, I'm not clear) but has finally been able to unveil a three-night adventure allowing fit folk to scale Mount Huashan's south peak.

Never heard of it? Me neither. But I'm told it's one of China's Five Sacred Mountains, known as the Number One Precipitous Mountain under Heaven.

This is not for the faint-hearted. Crystal climbers scale the mountain by grasping iron chain rails bolted into the cliffs' side and maneuvering along a narrow 13 foot x one foot wood plank that winds its way up the peak.

Scary or what? But apparently you can cheat. If that doesn't appeal everyone will anyway be taken to the top by cable car, billed as a thrilling panoramic ride 7,000 feet off the ground that showcases all five peaks.

Even more scary is the price - the excursion costs $2,759 (about £2,000) per person, which includes flights and hotel accommodation.

Excursions are certainly getting more fun. What's the most adventurous you've done?

Rumours are that it is - or at least it is but for one ship instead of two, and at a much increased cost. But as usual Norwegian Cruise Line and STX Europe are not saying a word. Leaving us all free to continue to speculate.

It's official. QE2's red funnel is to be sliced off, restored and become the central attraction of a new maritime museum close to the vessel full of memorabilia taken from on board.

After months of speculation, details of QE2's new look were released at this week's Seatrade Middle East Cruise Conference by Manfred Ursprunger, CEO of new owner QE2 Enterprises, which in turn is owned by Dubai-based Nakheel.

"QE2's arrival in Dubai is not the end for the most famous liner in the world but a new beginning."

"New" is certainly the word. Essentially the ship's insides are to be ripped out to create a new luxury hotel with 200 rooms, 110 apartments and five restaurants, serving menus created by celebrity chef Michel Roux. There will be a theatre where once there were engines.

A replica funnel will, as predicted, house an apartment that the new owners hope will become one of the most sought after addresses in Dubai.

The bridge, captain's cabin and Princess Grill will be kept, to become part of a heritage trail around the 40-year-old vessel. Hardly the most exciting day out, but no doubt plenty of people will stump up to see the QE2's rather paltry remains.

All the work is being done locally, at the Drydocks World repair yard, and is expected to take up to three years. An incredibly long time given they they build new ships in 18 months.

Just to prove there is no such thing as bad publicity, USA Today's Cruise Log reports hits on the Oceania Cruises website went through the roof on news of the attempted attack by pirates.

Not only has the world now heard about Oceania Cruises, but one agent is reported as saying the great American public has now discovered where the Gulf of Aden is and is interested in going there.

And here are the cruiselines thinking they have to sell at rock-bottom prices to get people to book.

I'll be in Naples in a few hours, to watch the naming ceremony for MSC Cruises' new ship MSC Fantasia.

As usual, Sophia Loren is doing the honours so there's no news there, but there should be lots to say about the vessel, which is the biggest MSC has ever built, with room for almost 4,000 passengers. So keep looking here for news and pictures.

Norwegian Cruise Line and STX Europe have broken their silence and announced an agreement on the building of NCL's new-build project, code-named F3.

The deal means instead of two vessels, as scheduled, the shipyard will now build only one of these 4,200-passenger ships. Delivery is scheduled for May 2010.

And that's all we know for now. NCL promises more info about what's on board another time.

MSC Cruises laid on an epic show for the launch in Naples of its second ship of the year, the 3,274-passenger MSC Fantasia.

Over the course of almost three hours, acrobats tumbled, drummers drummed, speeches were spoken and three of Italy's favourite singers warbled. I cannot tell you my relief when the cameras picked up godmother-to-be Sophia Loren and Gianluigi Aponte, the owner of MSC, making their way to the tent so she could do her naming thing.

It wasn't so much that it was an over-long show - although it was - but I was getting colder and colder as the evening wore on, despite the polythene tent they had erected quayside for the event and the big coat and gloves I had thought to take.

Ms Loren said a few words in Italian - probably something along the lines of "yes folks, I'm godmother yet again" (this must be the fifth or sixth MSC ship she has named) - before making her way over to the ribbon.

That should have been the moment she said "I name this ship", but that job fell to someone else - "she never says it," an MSC insider told me - the ribbon was cut, the bottle smashed and the tent filled with confetti.

It was the moment I had been waiting for and worth the wait, although I confess I missed the fireworks in my mission to get back to the warmth of the ship as soon as possible.

Job done. Now it's all hands on deck at MSC because in just seven months, it will be the turn of MSC Spendida, another 3,274-passenger ship, which is being named in July in Barcelona by... you guessed it, Sophia Loren. Talk about déjà vu. But at least it will be warm!

Eagle-eyed readers will note that MSC Cruises' new ship MSC Fantasia seems to have shrunk somewhat according to my blog entries, now holding 3,274 passengers where once it held almost 4,000.

I guess it's the ship equivalent of clever accounting. Most cruiselines "size" their ships on double occupancy, with a second higher figure to show the maximum that can be squeezed on with third and fourth berths in cabins filled.

MSC Cruises has always quoted the maximum occupancy in relation to MSC Fantasia - 3,959 passengers - but as that doesn't allow for proper comparisons with other ships I am now going to quote the double-occupancy figure.

I know it doesn't sound so big, but it means the space ratio rockets from 33.7 to 40.7. Which means there is more room for everyone. Surely a bigger selling point for Brits after a bit of peace and quiet?

MSC Cruises' new ship MSC Fantasia is beauty and the beast all rolled into one. From the outside big and boxy, really not very attractive, yet elegant and stylish inside. Not "the most beautiful cruise ship in the world", as MSC would have us believe (but they are biased, after all), but certainly a contender.

Interestingly, for this day and age, they have kept the design under control. Take the theatre. Grey seats, red carpet with white flecks, silver railings and a wavy ceiling. And that's it. No drapes, bright colours or wow. But it works. And it's huge, with room for 1,800 people, yet it has only two pillars to get in the way.

Deck seven is nice, with bars and coffee shops, each with their own style - the Manhattan Bar with brightly-coloured stripes around the bar and windows, the elegant liner-looking Transatlantico piano bar, the Wild West-themed Cantina Toscana, a wine-tasting bar outside the Tex Mex restaurant.

My favourite, the Piazza San Giorgio, is just below, on deck six, an "outside" piazza but indoors, complete with wrought-iron chairs and stone floor.

But things are not so great further up the ship. The VIP Yacht Club is the big new feature and fine, but nothing special. The cabin I saw was the same size as my non-VIP one but had a walk-in wardrobe and bathroom with a tub and shower (the shower is in the bath though).

I am told VIPs get toiletries while my cabin was notable for the absence of anything other than a couple of bars of soap and cheap shampoo in a dispenser.

On the VIP open deck area, tacky plastic sun loungers lower the whole tone of the place.

This water slide also caught my eye. Great fun for kids, but look where the slide ends. I hope no one slides very fast. The picture below it is the entrance to the French Restaurant, taken when it was shut I admit, but there is no name anywhere. Lots of people couldn't find it and no wonder. A shame, because it's quite nice inside.

I wondered whether I had listed my profession incorrectly when I opened the door to my cabin on MSC Cruises' MSC Fantasia. Having taken in the uber-red décor inside, I checked outside to see if there was a red light.

Seriously, it is a bit OTT - really the only thing that is OTT on the ship - but I rather like it. It gather all the decks have different colour schemes, green for deck nine, brown for 12 and so on. Makes life in the laundry a bit more interesting.

At a meeting at Royal Caribbean International's UK HQ in Surrey in October, I heard about the innovative "green" aspects of the giant new Oasis of the Seas.

I also heard how building was progressing fast, prompting me to ask if, as with other new ships of late, it would launch earlier than planned. Very unlikely, I was told.

I asked the question again in November, when I went to Turku for the Oasis float out and heard sea trials would be in June and September. Same reply.

But now - surprise - Royal Caribbean has announced that Oasis will indeed enter service earlier than originally scheduled.

A new four-night cruise departing December 1 2009 will call only at Labadee, Royal Caribbean's private island - to celebrate the opening of new facilities and excursions there - while the seven-night Eastern Caribbean inaugural will now depart December 5.

Anyone booked on the original December 12 inaugural has until January 11 2009 to switch to the either of the new sailings, or they can put the two new departures together to make a longer cruise and get $200 per cabin on-board credit as well.

It held on and on, but Fred Olsen Cruise Lines has at last announced the end of fuel supplements. They were dropped last week. Anyone who has already paid them will get them refunded as on-board credit.

The year might not have ended but it's already time for agents to sign up for the Association of Cruise Experts 2009 cruise convention, on June 17-19.

It will be back in Dover but with lots of added features including a Discovery Zone with information about ports and destinations, an appointments' system so agents can be sure of a meeting the suppliers they want to see, as well as business sessions covering everything from luxury to river cruising.

Agents will also the chance to visit four cruise ships - Holland America Line's Prinsendam, Fred Olsen's Braemar, Crystal Cruises' Crystal Symphony and Princess Cruises' Tahitian Princess - which will be in port during the two days of the convention.

I'm taking a couple of days off now, but will be back on Monday December 29.

Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.

Seatrade's Insider News website reports that Star Cruises, which owns 50% of NCL (Apollo Investment owns the other half), is pulling out of Norwegian Cruise Line's ill-fated NCL America operation.

It's no surprise. NCL America started with such a great fanfare. A US-flagged operation with three ships all sailing within Hawai'i, cutting out the need for the four days at sea - in both directions - for ships sailing to the islands from the US east coast. It sounded brilliant.

Only problem was, it wasn't making any money and having a mainly US crew also produced massive staffing problems. So one ship came out, then another, leaving just Pride of America to continue to fly the Stars and Stripes. Papers were drawn up in September 2007 allowing for either or both parties to exit or disband NCL America at the end of 2008.

In the event it is just Star that wants out so it doesn't mean the end of NCL America. Its Hawai'i programme has been confirmed until 2012 and it is making money, according to NCL president and ceo Kevin Sheehan.

Thank goodness we at least had the good news that one of its F3 new-build ships is back on track, because otherwise it's not been the greatest December for Norwegian Cruise Line.

On Christmas Day it was reported that Star Cruises is getting out of NCL America, suggesting Star has no confidence in its future although the brand sails on. The following day Cruise Critic said a passenger was missing, presumed overboard, from Norwegian Pearl. She disappeared while the ship was at sea east of Cancun, Mexico.

Sadly there was no sign of the woman, 36-year-old Jennifer Seitz, from Florida, during a four-day sweep of the area by the US Coast Guard and Mexican Navy. The search was called off on Monday and the FBI is now investigating her disappearance.

Service at dinner that took so long the diners were not able to have dessert, poor foor - as in quality and temperature, crew trained only to say "is no possible".

It's hard to believe Matts' review of MSC Cruises new flagship MSC Fantasia on Cruise Talk could have been any worse. Oh, but then I neglected to mention the three and a half hours he waited to check in ( I refuse to use the word queue when discussing an Italian ship), unhelpful shore-ex staff and a refusal to serve iced water at dinner.

Can he really be talking about a cruise, where crew are always to polite and helpful, food is wonderful (hmmm -- always a moot point, I find) and the waiters usually try to drown you in iced water. Can he really be talking about MSC Cruises, which makes such a virtue of its Italian-ness, right down to the Italian crew?

Sadly yes, because I can relate to so much of what he said, both from previous experience with MSC Cruises - although I did think things were improving on MSC Poesia - and my two nights on MSC Fantasia after the naming.

Unlike Matts, I found the crew are trained to say "no" or "I don't know". Both usefully negative though and guaranteed to make you walk away in frustration so they don't have to do anything. Either that or they ignore you. I had two trawl three bars one evening before I could find one where the barman acknowledged my presence, let alone served me a glass of wine.

I will put in a good word for the spa though. The woman behind the desk took time and trouble to show me around. She even smiled. She was from Indonesia. Just a shame that with one day to go before paying passengers came on they did not even have brochures ready listing treatments and prices.

Reminds me of the time I was on board for the naming of MSC Musica. In the speciality restaurant - their first one, actually part of the self-service, but it looked the part - I asked to see the menu. "Not open" was the gruff response.

I tried again, pointing out I just wanted to see what they served. The answer was they didn't have any menus. But in fewer words. And yes, paying passengers were about to come on. Italians mainly, of course. I suspect either they have the magic words to get things done - or maybe they are just too used to chaos to care.